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When someone dies by suicide, the grief can feel isolating, overwhelming and unlike any other kind of loss. Bereaved survivors often struggle with painful questions, regret and self-blame, confusion and complex emotions. When left unsupported, there can be an increased risk for depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts or actions—this is why a post-vention response, along with peer-based support, is so important to reduce the risk for suicide.

Our partners at Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) understand this unique kind of grief because we are bereaved survivors ourselves. For over 30 years, TAPS has walked beside military and Veteran families after the death of a loved one, providing comfort, resources and, most importantly, connection. One of their most powerful tools for suicide prevention is through post-vention support with the TAPS Peer Mentor Program: A peer-to-peer model built on the belief that no one should walk this journey alone.

The power of connection after suicide loss

When a suicide occurs, the ripple effects can be deep and wide-reaching, where loss survivors may be dealing with the emotional pain of loss, as well as a host of secondary losses—relationships, connection, community, faith, social support or identity. The majority of suicide loss survivors share how they feel different from other losses, which can make it hard to ask for or find help. This is where reciprocal peer mentoring support plays a uniquely powerful role.

Grief after suicide can often be complicated by aspects of societal stigma, taboo or shame. Because of this, bereaved survivors may feel judged, misunderstood or even blamed in some circumstances, but when meeting someone else who has experienced a similar loss and made it through the darkest moments, there can be a relief to know one is not alone. There can be an immediate sense of safety and understanding. Peers can truly empathize—their own lived experience makes them a beacon of hope that healing is possible.

Why peer mentoring matters

Research demonstrates that individuals impacted by a suicide death are themselves at heightened risk for suicidal ideation and mental health struggles when not offered adequate post-vention care and support. Components of care may include traditional therapy, oversight with a medical provider, and professional interventions, but many suicide loss survivors share that some of the most helpful support comes from connecting with someone else with similar experiences.

For over three decades, TAPS has witnessed how peer mentoring reduces isolation by normalizing the experience of traumatic grief; how it fosters resilience through shared stories, coping skills, and encouragement; how it encourages help-seeking by creating a bridge to professional resources; and perhaps most significantly—how it lowers suicide risk by creating stability and safety after loss, with an intentional pathway of healing for a life ahead. 

These outcomes don’t happen by accident. They’re the result of intentional design, robust training based on best practices, and the authentic human connection that happens when people show up for each other in the hardest moments.

Inside the TAPS Peer Mentor Program

The TAPS Peer Mentor Program is both a suicide prevention and a post-vention tool, meaning it not only supports those at risk, but also helps prevent further loss by nurturing hope and healing for survivors rooted in safety and trauma-informed care.

Peer mentors are not expected to be clinicians or therapists. They’re survivors who are further along in their own grief journey and feel ready to give back by supporting others. Before being matched, each mentor completes a structured training program that includes suicide grief and trauma-informed care, active listening and communication skills, boundary setting and emotional self-care, and understanding when and how to refer to professional resources. This training is essential to ensuring mentors can provide safe, compassionate and non-judgmental support, not only to others, but to themselves as well.

TAPS carefully matches mentors and mentees based on several factors, including type of relationship (e.g., surviving spouse, parent, sibling), type of loss (e.g., suicide, combat, illness), and other shared life experiences and unique needs. This intentional pairing helps foster an immediate sense of trust, where individuals often share how the awareness of someone else having survived a similar kind of loss offers a sense of hope that no other resource can match.

Through sustained support and a caring community, peer mentors are never alone. They are part of the broader TAPS family, a national network of survivors, professionals and military-connected resources. This includes casework and advocacy services, access to mental health and wellness support, connection to support at the Departments of Veterans Affairs (VA) and Defense (DoD), educational and financial assistance, and dedicated programs and services. Mentors receive ongoing guidance, support and supervision to ensure that they are empowered and cared for as they care for others.

Real voices and real stories of healing

“I never thought I’d get through the first year after my husband died by suicide. Meeting my peer mentor changed everything. She didn’t judge me. She just listened and understood. Knowing she had been where I was—and survived—gave me the strength to keep going.”

The quote above is just one of the countless testimonials TAPS hears from survivors on a daily basis. Peer mentors don’t offer answers or solutions, because there are none in the case of grief. But they do offer something just as valuable when they provide their own presence, patience and the encouragement that life can go on, even when it feels impossible.

Attributes of a TAPS Peer Mentor

Not every bereaved survivor is ready to become a mentor, which is okay and understandable, as healing has no timeline and is unique for each person. But for those who feel called to support others, TAPS provides the training and specific tools to do so with safety and compassionate care. Some of the qualities that make for strong peer mentoring include: Empathy for listening without judgment and validating of emotions, patience to allow each person to move through grief at their own pace, a commitment to be available and reliable, respect for boundaries; balancing of knowing when to listen, when to share, and when to refer someone to professional help; and the element of posttraumatic growth to use one’s own healing journey as a foundation for helping others

Suicide prevention in action

Peer mentoring doesn’t just help individuals, it creates safer, stronger communities. When a bereaved survivor feels seen and supported, their level of risk can be reduced. Every time someone chooses to live another day because of the encouragement they received from a peer mentor, it validates the notion that lives are saved.

At its core, the TAPS Peer Mentor Program is about human connection that sends a powerful message: You’re not alone. I’ve been there. And I’m here for you.

When we talk about suicide prevention, we often focus on crisis lines, medical treatment and policy changes. These are critical, but it doesn’t stop here. Healing also happens in chat rooms, sharing sessions, living rooms, coffee shops, in texts or phone calls through the quiet tears. It happens when someone says, “I hear you and can understand because I have been there myself.”

How to get involved

Whether you’re in the early stages of your grief or perhaps years down the road, there’s a place for you within the TAPS community. Here are several ways you can participate:

• Be matched with a peer mentor
  • If you are grieving a suicide loss, you can request a peer mentor who has experienced a similar type of loss. Having someone by your side who has also traveled on this journey can help you feel less alone, provide hope and share experiences to offer practical ways to cope.

• Become a peer mentor
  • If you are in a stable place with your own grief and feel ready to support others, consider becoming a peer mentor yourself. You’ll receive thorough training, ongoing supervision and the opportunity to make a powerful difference in someone’s life and in your own.

• Explore more resources
  • TAPS partners with VA and other national organizations to provide tools and support for Veterans, families and survivors. One of the valuable campaigns offered by VA can be found online at “Don’t Wait, Reach Out.“

A legacy of hope

Suicide loss can bring devastating pain, but your story doesn’t have to end there. TAPS helps loss survivors create their own legacy through their stories of survival, honoring the lives of loved ones, and as sources of strength for others. Together we can build a culture where grief is met with compassion, and where healing is not just an abstract concept, it’s an encouraging and hopeful possibility.

In the words of one peer mentor: “Supporting others helped me find meaning in my loss. It gave me purpose again. And it reminded me that even in the darkest moments, we can be the light for someone else.”

Final thoughts

The TAPS Peer Mentor Program is more than a training initiative or a service provision—it’s a lifeline. For survivors of suicide loss, authentic connection can be the vital difference between isolation and belonging, between despair and hope, and between survival and healing.

If you are in need of support, please don’t wait. Reach out for ways to connect and heal. And when you’re ready, you might consider becoming the same source of encouragement and hope for someone else. Together, we can save lives—one conversation, one story, one connection, one person at a time.

To learn more about TAPS, to receive support or become involved in the TAPS Peer Mentor or Military Mentor Programs, please visit us at TAPS.org  or call our National Military Survivor Helpline at 800-959-TAPS (8277).

Author Bio: Dr. Carla Stumpf Patton, Ed.D., LMHC, is the vice president of Suicide Prevention/Intervention/Postvention at TAPS and was a key contributor in the development of the TAPS Suicide Prevention Model. A suicidologist and expert in grief, trauma and suicide, she holds advanced degrees in counseling psychology and is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and National Certified Counselor. She is the surviving spouse of U.S. Marine Corps Drill Instructor, Sergeant Richard Stumpf, who died by suicide in 1994, just days before the birth of their child.