The emotional intensity has got worse over the years. I tried everything to keep my distance from football and from Leeds: following scores online instead of watching games, supporting a different team, even trying to engage with other sports more, like cricket or rugby league. But football is a thing I can’t seem to get out of and it became an unhealthy obsession. There were times when I’d deliberately avoid certain contexts, in fear that people would want to talk to me about Leeds’ current fortunes.

I’d have intense guilt about keeping my distance from football. Am I letting my Dad down by not going to see Leeds play? Would he see this as a betrayal? My Dad was the only person I wanted to talk to about this, to hear what he would think of it if he was still here.

I've started the process of trying to deal with some long-term trauma. One of the things I've recognised is that I have a traumatic relationship with football. Usually, sadly, this prompts people to laugh and be a little bit dismissive, which makes me feel painfully inadequate and impacts severely on my self-esteem. But trauma can come in all shapes and sizes. It is more complicated than we think.