The compassionate lawyer takes time to understand before deciding how forcefully to proceed

Compassionate lawyers are everywhere. Rick Howard and Chip Waller were compassionate lawyers who helped me greatly in starting my own law firm decades ago. I moved to their area, showed up to a county bar meeting, and made fast friends. They were many years older but were very compassionate to a young lawyer that didn’t know much about practicing law and running a law firm. Their compassionate nature caused them to refer clients, give needed advice, and most importantly offer their friendship. Chip and Rick were compassionate to everybody: their families, their staff, their clients, and especially strangers. Chip continued to compassionately practice law until his passing. Rick became a compassionate and caring judge, serving for two decades until his death. While we have lost Chip and Rick to time, we are all very fortunate to know so many other compassionate lawyers.

Webster’s dictionary defines compassion as a deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with an urgent desire and motivation to relieve that suffering. It is important not to conflate compassion with empathy. Empathy involves understanding another’s suffering but does not necessarily include action to alleviate it. Compassion is understanding plus action.

Being a compassionate lawyer may seem counterintuitive. Reading through the American Bar Association’s Model Rules of Professional Conduct, state bar ethics rules, and judicial canons, the word compassion cannot be found. In order to be an ethical lawyer, the rules don’t require you to be a compassionate lawyer. However, ethics rules are the bare minimum to keep your law license.  We should aim much higher.

Lawyers are uniquely placed to be compassionate. We become aware of our clients' problems and suffering and get into action.

The law itself is not designed to be compassionate. It is designed to be orderly. It categorizes. It draws lines. It applies consequences. Those qualities are necessary. They are also blunt. The compassionate lawyer understands that while the law may be rigid, the person standing in front of it is not.

Harshness is often mistaken for strength in this profession. Sharp emails. Public posturing. A tone that signals dominance rather than understanding. That approach may achieve short-term compliance. It rarely earns trust. It also feeds the public perception that lawyers lack humanity. The compassionate lawyer resists that impulse.

Compassion does not mean indulgence. It does not mean avoiding difficult conversations or softening advice to the point of uselessness. It means delivering hard truths without unnecessary cruelty. It means remembering that the client hears advice through the filter of stress, not calm reflection.

Abraham Lincoln once said, “I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.” The line is often quoted for its wit, but its deeper point is empathy. It is a good reminder that what might make us dislike another may be a challenge to us to figure out what is troubling them. You can make a lifelong friend digging a little deeper and offering some compassion. Judgment without understanding is incomplete. The compassionate lawyer takes time to understand before deciding how forcefully to proceed.

Clients often arrive embarrassed by their situation. They may have made decisions they regret. They may fear being judged. Harshness confirms their worst expectations. Compassion lowers defenses. It allows clients to share facts they might otherwise conceal. Those facts often matter. Being compassionate can aid a lawyer in being a better counselor and advocate for a client. Compassion compels a lawyer to get deep into the messy and inconvenient facts to truly understand a client’s legal problem. This helps a lawyer to more adeptly get into action for a client.

This plays out in small moments. A pause before correcting a client. A willingness to explain the same concept more than once. A recognition that anger may be covering fear. These choices are not dramatic. They shape the relationship.

Compassion also extends to opposing counsel. The adversarial system encourages dehumanization. It becomes easy to treat the other side as an obstacle rather than a person doing a job. That mindset escalates conflict. The compassionate lawyer remembers that today’s opponent may be tomorrow’s colleague, or even ally.

Harsh tactics can backfire. Judges notice unnecessary hostility. Jurors sense performative cruelty. Opposing parties entrench rather than compromise. Compassion does not guarantee cooperation. It keeps the door open.

The practice of law exposes people at vulnerable moments. Family law lays bare private failures. Criminal law intersects with shame and fear. Civil disputes often involve livelihoods. The compassionate lawyer recognizes the asymmetry of power in these moments and acts with care.

This care matters even when the outcome is unfavorable. Clients remember how they were treated long after they forget the legal reasoning. Compassion can preserve dignity when results disappoint. That preservation has value.

There is also a strategic aspect to compassion. People are more receptive to advice when they feel understood. They are more likely to accept hard recommendations when they trust the source. Compassion builds that trust. It does not weaken advocacy. It strengthens it.

Some worry that compassion invites manipulation. That concern is not unfounded. Boundaries remain necessary. Compassion without boundaries becomes unsustainable. The compassionate lawyer balances empathy with judgment. Understanding does not require agreement.

Compassion also protects the lawyer. Cynicism often grows from repeated exposure to conflict without emotional awareness. Treating every interaction as a contest drains energy. Compassion allows the lawyer to engage without becoming hardened. It preserves a sense of purpose. Compassion may protect us lawyers in ways we don’t even fathom at present. Artificial intelligence is growing powerful and is hot on the heels of doing day-to-day legal work. What might actually help lawyers distinguish their services from pure AI work product is the human understanding of their clients and their problems.

Compassion does not eliminate conflict. It changes its tone. It reminds everyone involved that law is a tool, not a weapon of convenience. It tempers power with restraint.

In the end, compassion is a choice repeated daily. It shows up in how calls are returned. In how letters are written. In how victories and losses are handled. The law may be indifferent. The lawyer does not have to be.

Being a compassionate lawyer does not mean being less effective. It often means being more so. It restores humanity to a system that can feel mechanical. It honors the reality that the law exists to serve the needs of people. Let’s all resolve to be compassionate lawyers.

Jim Vickaryous is the managing partner of the Vickaryous Law Firm in Lake Mary and represents the 18th Circuit on The Florida Bar Board of Governors.