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Child Advocate & Mental Health Expert Pens Book Highlighting Healthy Parenting Choices During Divorce

Book Cover of You Don't Have to Crush Your Ex

Child Advocate and Mental Health Expert Lori Bonnevier, MSW, LCSW

You Don't Have to Crush Your Ex: Hints, Hacks, and Hell-No's to "Win" Your Child Custody Evaluation Outlines Proven Techniques that Protect the Children

"The adults involved in a divorce are the only ones who have the power to make this experience less messy and less daunting for themselves and their children," says Bonnevier.”
— Lori Bonnevier

PORTLAND, OR, UNITED STATES, December 18, 2021 / -- After more than twenty years of being in the trenches (and courtrooms) with angry, divorcing parents who were fighting custody battles, Lori Bonnevier MSW, LCSW had absorbed gallons of pain, hurt, and sorrow from thousands of suffering children (and their parents and the legal community).

She knew there was a better way.

So, Bonnevier created a preventative model, by serving in a consultation and coaching role. She also realized that authoring a book would be a vehicle to both reach parents and expand the services she had long provided to children and families.

A licensed clinical social worker in the State of Oregon, Bonnevier wrote "You Don’t Have to Crush Your Ex: Hints, Hacks, and Hell-No's to Win Your Child Custody Evaluation" over the last few years. It came to life as a “choose-your-own-outcome” style story for parents navigating high-conflict divorce who found themselves stalled in litigation about the best decisions for their children. Here, Bonnevier’s life’s work is creatively proffered in a fun, useful, meaningful book to help move families from crisis to healing––and thriving.

“Children do as well as their peers when they have one safe parent,” she explains. “When one parent commits to being the bubble wrap that insulates and protects their children from the chaos and conflict, from the bad attitudes and otherwise hurtful behavior that commonly accompanies divorce, children can adjust more quickly to their new norm.”

And Bonnevier has seen this time and time again.

Since 2002, she has practiced primarily as a child custody evaluator and regularly provides testimony as an expert witness. In these roles, she also serves as a therapist, mediator, parent coordinator, coach, and consultant.

Bonnevier says, “Divorce is far more prevalent than we’d often like to admit, and heart wrenching for those involved––especially the children.”

Witnessing the heart-wrenching effects of divorce on children drove Bonnevier to her mission––providing a competent, thorough, and unbiased assessment of all family members with the goal of developing a comprehensive plan that allows children the opportunity to maintain safe, healthy, and ongoing relationships with both parents and other significant people following a change in the family system.

Bonnevier graduated from Portland State University in 2000 with a master’s degree in social work and holds undergraduate degrees in the disciplines of psychology and human services and an associate degree in child development. Bonnevier has spent her career building her thriving private clinical practice, Child-Focused Choices. She is highly respected within her professional community and well-regarded as an expert in her field.

The Honorable Judge Eve Miller acknowledges Bonnevier’s expertise, “The courts throughout Oregon listen to Ms. Bonnevier’s ideas about the best interest of children, and it would behoove parents in high-conflict litigation to do the same.”

As a seasoned child custody evaluator, Lori invites readers to walk beside Vanessa and Luke, as they face challenges prevalent in divorce in "You Don’t Have to Crush Your Ex." Readers will have the unique opportunity to make choices about divorce, their children, and how to participate in a custody evaluation to achieve the best outcome. Through this insightful and witty choose-your-own-outcome-style story, Lori shares more than two decades worth of trade secrets to help others navigate the complex and often-thorny experience of participating in family law litigation.

By the end of the book, readers will know how to:
• Protect their child’s emotional health and well-being.
• Acquire resources to manage specific challenges.
• Discern which attorney will hurt or help their efforts.
• Impress the heck out of their evaluator.
• Save their family time and money.
• Keep their sanity and thrive on the other side.

A reader of "You Don’t Have to Crush Your Ex," Ciara Gutierrez says, “As a stepmom who walked through this arduous journey of court battles and co-parenting, I can say with full transparency that Lori's book would have dramatically shifted my family's experience with child custody. Her tactful and professional approach is well-balanced with humor, truth, and the necessary need-to-knows. I so wish I had her book 10 years ago!”

Having expanded her practice to include consulting, coaching, and speaking, Bonnevier is able to share her message of Child-Focused Choices with a larger audience outside of the Portland, Oregon area. She is also currently developing curriculum for a college level course in Practice, Child, Youth, and Family Studies at a state university for which "You Don’t Have to Crush Your Ex" is expected to be utilized as part of the required course reading.

Ultimately, Bonnevier is driven by her passion to protect all children who are affected by divorce. Even if only one parent buys into her healthy parenting advice, she knows many children will be saved from the heartache and trauma of insensitive parents.

To get a sneak preview of :You Don’t Have to Crush Your Ex," visit:

Lori Bonnevier
Child-Focused Choices
+1 503-750-8538
email us here